BVB: Stepping Out of the Full-Time Performance Pressure Cooker

Beatrix Von Bourbon

When I first sat down to write this piece, I planned to write an article about the challenges and issues regularly faced by an established performer. As I began to pull my thought-strands apart I found that a lot of the difficulties I regularly face are so nuanced that they each deserve an article in their own right. As a result, I found myself forced to focus this piece on one subject, so I’ve chosen an emotionally tumultuous, recent occurrence: Going from full-time performer to a performer with a part-time job.

I hasten to add that I still make most of my income from performing, so I still classify performing as my ‘day job’! Prior to actively looking for work, the contemplation of a change in lifestyle alone was enough to have me phoning my Mother for support every night. I’d spent the past three years working as a performer full-time and the prospect of having a weekly commitment to someone other than myself was surprisingly hard to get my head around.

There were several reasons why a change was in order for me. First, a couple of hopes for significant performing jobs were recently dashed. Excited work-meetings that sounded very promising suddenly transformed into short, dismissive emails. That was enough to make me question whether I’d grown complacent in my performance career and had come to expect things that were far from definite. I wondered whether I’d started to take the proliferation of burlesque in London as a sign that the art-form was equally as welcomed and sanitised in other places. Perhaps I had simply forgotten that burlesque can, even now, be deemed ‘too adult’ or lacking in classic artistic grounding (i.e. dance, circus, theatre…) for some stages.

With these loose plans in ruins, I started to search for ways to fill my calendar back up. Where previously I’d been fortunate enough to be choosy about the work I took on, I quickly found I had to accept anything and everything that was offered to me. This meant returning to getting changed in toilet cubicles and working at half-price rates.

Of course, this lead me to question my own ethics:

– Was it ‘right’ for me to work at a reduced rate? Was I devaluing the industry by providing a professional act at an amateur price, just to keep my head above water?

– If working at reduced rate, should I refrain from using my ‘best’ props/costumes and use the basic versions instead?

– Would I be damaging my reputation by taking on jobs that other performers knew to be at a low fee?

I asked a lot of performer-friends for advice and opinions. After taking hours over coffee to discuss all the ins and outs, the ultimate answer seemed to be to do what made me happy, fulfilled me and made me feel like I was moving forward as an artist.

I drew up a monthly budget for myself and it became clear that the only way I’d survive as a full-time artist was if I scrimped and saved in other parts of my life. I’d have to take on any and every job, just to make enough money to get by. To continue as a professional performer I’d be treading water financially – I’d not be making enough money to invest anything back in my acts. Any investment I did make would need to be made off the back of a lot of contemplation. I’d need to draw up a business plan, I’d need to make goals and put in effort, time and emotion to meet them. After the shock of being thrown out of my financial comfort zone, the prospect of re-focusing my performance work and of having 100% belief in what I was doing left me feeling weak and non-committal.

“I evaluated whether it’d be worth me coming up with a couple of mass-appeal acts and to push these forward to get more bookings. I fast concluded that this wasn’t worth doing. If I made an act purely to tick boxes, it would lack soul. I’d have to perform, with conviction, an act that I created through force rather than love.”

I’m rarely offered corporate work, despite being represented by several entertainment agencies. I’ve also found that as the modern understanding of burlesque takes hold and gains new followers, there are more bookings reserved for acts with ‘glamourous striptease’ aesthetics, or acts with high shock or ‘cool’ value. These are all elements that I tend not to focus on. I evaluated whether it would be worth coming up with a couple of mass-appeal acts and to push these forward to get more bookings. I fast concluded that this wasn’t worth doing. If I made an act purely to tick boxes, it would lack soul. I’d have to perform, with conviction, an act that I created through force rather than love. It struck me that taking a step back from the pressures of treating my performance work as a business as much as an artform would help me to recharge my creative batteries and give me enough space to create some new acts that I can use to relaunch myself upon the entertainment world with.

I’ve been fortunate enough to find a fairly flexible part-time job that draws on my pre-burlesque-career interests and education. It also fits around performance hours and leaves me with plenty of spare time to get on with burlesque-related pursuits. I feel very proud to have made this happen for myself and it’s been a long time since I’ve genuinely taken pride in my achievements.

As you’d expect, I question whether this is some kind of mark of failure as a performer. Did I make too many bad decisions as my stage career progressed? Immediately I can think of a couple of grey areas:

– I attended an audition for what could have been fairly regular work in central London. I made the mistake of second-guessing what the bookers were looking for and improvised an act based upon what I thought they were after. I naively thought my off-the-cuff dance skills and familiarity with how to create an atmosphere on stage would be enough to carry me. In hindsight, I should have stuck to an act that I’d invested time, money and thought in to, an act that had been honed and carefully crafted. I didn’t get a callback. But thinking about it now, even if I had been called back, what then? They’d expect me to supply more of the same and seeing as the audition act had been a one-off, that would’ve left me panicking about what else I could offer them. I will never improvise an act at an audition ever again – I will always stick to what I know, what I have developed and perfected.

– I’ve made acts as commissions in the past. I’ve always struggled with commissions as one has to make an act that meets a list of requirements and yet has some kind of personal resonance. Despite trying to get the balance right, I don’t think I’ve ever mastered it. I’d be very cautious if I ever agreed to commission an act in the future.

– Have I made errors when launching new acts? I think sometimes I’ve built up a PR-buzz around an act, only for the act to rarely ever see the light of day because of a complicated tech set-up. At other times I think I’ve been too quiet about what I’m working on, resulting in bookers losing interest in what I’m doing as there’s no excitement visible on my social media profiles.

Beatrix Von Bourbon (©Rodd Penn)

Beatrix Von Bourbon (©Rodd Penn)

Having climbed the career ladder to get where I am now, I appreciate that high-end performers can seem quite untouchable to those on the lower rungs. One imagines them working for hundreds of pounds, spending their time travelling in beautiful cars sent by production companies to pick them up from their homes, sleeping in hotels with swimming pools and spas, getting monthly manicures, pedicures, facials and massages…

But in my experience, this lifestyle is generally reserved for the performers that rest between amateur and professional level. Sure, there are a handful of performers at the very top who are fortunate enough to have lifestyles and business models that have earned them this way of living, but generally, professional performers are living on tight budgets and hard performance schedules.

Those that can afford luxuries tend to be able to do so because of a financial guarantee offered by a part-time job, be it working in an office, taking well-paid commercial modelling work or whatever else. I think I’d classify teaching regular burlesque classes as a kind-of part-time job too as the hours are regular and income fairly guaranteed. Such performers have a guaranteed income every month (or at least one nice big chunk of money every few months), so they have nothing to lose in quoting high performance fees. These performers don’t need burlesque work, so can pick and choose the jobs that they want to do. Of course, burlesque performers often don’t want to shatter the illusion of their glamourous lifestyle by admitting to work outside of the burlesque world, so you’ll rarely hear it spoken of in public forums.

Those working as full-time burlesque performers often have to compromise on their fee and working conditions as they’re in need of work, any work to pay the rent. Most of the full-time performers I know live in London (this is where I live, too), where rent can cost twice as much as in other British cities and the plethora of jobs available have got so many performers chomping at the bit to take them on that bookers can get away with offering minimal fees. Small fees and high rent makes for performers running ragged, taking on three to four gigs a week just to make rent and pay the bills. It’s not all glitz and glamour when you choose to become a full-time performer, unless you’re very talented, very prepared and very opportunistic.

In terms of commanding a high fee as a full-time burlesque performer, there’s an argument that valuing oneself highly leads to others valuing you to the same degree. However, I can only name a handful of performers who have made a strong enough business plan or who have taken a suitable path with their business-decisions to have this seemingly simple perspective pay off. I know I have reached a limit when it comes to the fee I can command – I don’t think I’ve increased my standard burlesque-club fee for three years. In fact, I was backstage with a performer who has many years more experience than me recently. Even she was suffering a shift in the fee she can now command. She recalled how a few years ago her best acts could command four times as much as she takes, on average, for them now.

As for my current situation, I want a few bones spare at the end of the month to treat myself to a blow-dry, a new pair of jeans or stylish gym clothes (I hate working out in gifted tshirts and holey leggings). I want to do dry cleaning, not hand-washing. I’m tired of home waxing, grown-out hair cuts and being unable to send my favourite shoes to the cobbler. This is why I’ve taken on a part-time job, and for the sake of uniting the burlesque community, I’m not afraid to admit to it.

I plan to take the next month to ease in to this new lifestyle and to dive back in to pushing my burlesque work forward in the Autumn. I’ve two new acts that I’ve been chipping away at creating since January, yet I’ve not found the focus to get them finished. I think once I settle back in to a comfortable, stable way of living off-stage, I can devote time and energy in to creating magic on-stage. I no longer have to stress about firing emails off to promoters to remind them I exist, nor screaming for attention on social networking sites. I can calm that down a bit now, freeing up more time for the creative aspect of my work.

I want to be inspired. I’m tired of feeling I have to make something to fit the perceived requirements of bookers. I want to go back to being innovative, not safe.

Click here for more Beatrix…

(Header image of Beatrix ©2008 Cherry Bomb Rock Photography)

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Beatrix von Bourbon
21 Comments
  • April 5, 2012

    OMG! Thank you for writing! This is so true. I tried to explain this to someone just the other night. I’m a full time performer, so sometimes I have to accept a fee I don’t want to. Do I want to pay my bill or rent now, or do I want to do it in six months when a grand offer comes in. If it ever comes in. Some people just don’t understand even when they’re in the same type of business. Especially if they have a husband or family to run to while they are picky on what work they choose to take.

  • Luna Eclipse
    December 1, 2011

    Thank you for posting! I thoroughly enjoyed reading this.

  • September 8, 2011

    Hi there Beatrix! What part time work did you take on?
    Miss Grace Cherry passes your article on to me.
    We are in Tasmania, Australia. We have a lovely small Burlesque community here represented by Miss Kittys Meow and Scarlett Jezebel. Myself, well the girls are working hard to organize the shows and when i can i perform with them.
    We here your pain, we live the dream. And the road is rocky.
    Thankyou for your inspirational article, you write so well.
    Zara La Mor

  • September 2, 2011

    A great read. Thank you for your honesty. It’s nice to be across the world and completely identify with your problems. xx

  • September 1, 2011

    I like your honesty, its a real hard game, not the glamour people think it is, if only more people had your attitude, I think in the long run , it would be more productive for all

  • Madame Mechante
    September 1, 2011

    Wonderful article – extremely frank and to the point. Thank you for sharing. xxx

  • September 1, 2011

    This artical rings true on so many levels;

    First of all, its great to see a Full-time performer being so frank about how the world actually works in this buisness.

    There has always been a stigma towards performers revealing that they don’t eat, breath and live burlesque every second of the day. As if by not admiting it; it will make them shine a little brighter.

    From my experience they are always “on” and rarly take breaks. Never revealing more then what they are on stage. As if by doing so, it will somehow get you ahead of the pack.

    This buisness is cut throat as it is, but the pressures that are put on performers; especially ones who perform full time; are greater then ever.

    I think there will come a time that the tables will be turned and it will be more interesting to see the Lawyer by day/Burlesque Dancer by night regime.
    Interesting, and mysterious but also true to life.

    As a fellow Performer who admits to having a “Part-time job” I have to say, my respect for you is through the roof.

    You should be proud because your acts are as inspirational as your words. As far as I am concerned;Full time or part-time; you are still The one… and the only

    Beatrix Von Bourbon

    xo

  • September 1, 2011

    You shouldn’t have to compromise your artistic integrity to make yourself more financially stable and ideas don’t materialise on an empty stomach! I wish more people understood the reality of being a full-time performer and kept their feet on the ground. It’s about striking a balance, and I think this article addresses this beautifully!

  • September 1, 2011

    I really enjoyed reading this and it made me think of things in a way I’d never done before. Congratulations on finding a solution that makes you happy (both artistically and financially)! So many performers have stars in their eyes, thinking full-time performing is the high-life and I like they way you’ve broken down the ways it can be more difficult and less glamourous than working outside of burlesque. In the recent past, I’ve actually felt badly about not being able to book as much as I used to and for having a “day job”. I think I’ll choose to see the silver lining, as things aren’t really what they used to be during the brief period that performing paid all my bills. 🙂

  • Jac Bowie
    September 1, 2011

    A great read Bea. Xx

  • August 31, 2011

    I’m so glad you’ve put this out there for the burlesque community to read and commend you on your honesty. While full time burlesque to many can be seen as a glamourous lifestyle choice, it is actually – as you explain really well – a BUSINESS, where as a self employed artist you need to have a strong business mind to keep pushing yourself forward, including clear professional goals and targets for motivation. No matter what your performance level is – amateur or professional – offering or accepting a reduced rate for your acts to outbid other performers may get you work in the short term but it also damages the industry’s economy as venues know they can get good quality performances for very little money. As more and more performers try to outbid each other, suddenly high end venues are able to offer shows featuring top name performers for minimal costs to the audience and any chance of you (and other performers) receiving your real worth for future performances is gone. As a self-employed business woman (which all serious performers should consider themselves to be) you have invested time and money into your performance which needs to be recuperated to invest in future acts as well as to help you to afford little luxuries like the above mentioned blow-drys and new clothes. By refusing to perform sub-standard acts or accept sub-standard rates not only are you helping to protect the industry’s economy but also your maintaining your reputation for being a dedicated and valued performer. I hope many other performers will follow in your footsteps. The industry needs more people like you!

    Secondly, there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG with having a part time job to help meet your financial goals. If the likes of Peter ones and Theo Paphitis from Dragons Den can have investments in a number of industries, why can’t you? Utilising your skills in other areas will also help you to gain more inspiration for acts from a wider range of sources and keep your performer persona fresh and takes the pressure off feeling like you need to conform to the current industry trends to meet the bills. Having seen you perform (and being blown away by the performance) I am so proud of your for being able to be so open an honest, however difficult the decision may have been. Well done xxx

  • Paris505
    August 31, 2011

    I bow low before you with appreciation & gratitude for this vulnerable and honest piece. Thank You!

  • Bex Paul
    August 31, 2011

    Wow! What a read, and an insight! I know I personally see you ladies at the top (bar that other level), and you have perfected effortless so well, that it is believable. I’m under no illusion that it doesn’t require life on the breadline at times, however, I had assumed, people would rather pay for quality, rather than an overwhelming quantity of somewhat lack lustrous stage fodder.

    I’ll keep my day job, so I can work on the magic, because fairy dust isn’t cheap n dreams don’t come free.

    Phenomenal read, beautifully executed.

    I wish you all the best in your onwards and upwards pathway to creative genius.

    Bex xxx

    PS I am in your area again this Saturday, and wondered if you were around, so i can buy some hand-me-downs from you xxx

  • Ditzy Diamond
    August 31, 2011

    Such a frank and inspirational piece. Wonderful to hear the truth told so eloquently!

  • August 31, 2011

    What a great article I really enjoyed it and so many elements rang true. xxx

  • Emerald Ace
    August 31, 2011

    I think it’s really brave of you to be so frank.
    It’s true that, to the rest of us, the high level, full-time performers can seem almost super-human and perhaps we don’t give you guys enough credit for how hard it is.
    I hope that this change brings you the stability and balance you need, both personally and to keep producing the wonderful performances that we all enjoy.

  • Helene
    August 31, 2011

    Inspirational. I wish I had your guts. I bet there are so many people who can relate to this xxx

  • August 31, 2011

    So proud of you xxx

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